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HororScopes by Krystal Balls
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Alpharius Keep looking for that friend or neighbour. Bravio Still Windy? Go and swap stories with an Alpharian. Charlius Can’t believe what you’ve been up to. It’s all round the marina, you know. Deltacorn Clothes aren’t everything. Let your hair down and move those dancing feet! Echorius You've got itchy feet, but I think you should stay around for a while longer. We need you. Foxtrotus Stop telling everyone what to do. Golfo Take five, breathe deeply and... relax. Hotelsius Those aforementioned idiots all want a piece of you. Tell 'em to naff off. Indies Look, I really suggest you keep a low profile. We don't want the nosy parkers to force us into telling your full story in Porthole. Juliettra Actually, you're not as funny as you think, but I'm probably being |
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picky.
Limacorn If you keep on at this speed your batteries will soon run out. Mikeces You're not shredding properly. I've been given some incriminating information recovered from your rubbish bin. Novemberus This bone idleness has to stop. For goodness sake apply yourself to working on the boat. Oscra Stop getting on everyone's nerves with your eternal optimism and cheery disposition. Papacorn You're getting a reputation. Stop inviting random people over. Hardus Not getting any warmer, is it? Netselarius Come on and join the fun. You're not so bad, really.
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An exciting new product is being trail launched in the South Turkey area. We will be testing the Eye-in-the-Cockpit as a sample market. As cruising yachtsmen, we’ll collect our free test unit in certain of the local chandlers. The launch is expected to be early spring and we will update you in a future edition with the available outlets. The idea is to fit the unit to our boats and give feedback to the manufacturer. The unit is a GPS based tracking device making the relevant authorities aware of all vessels at all times. |
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It is expected that these early versions will be upgraded in the future to include mini web cams so that the crew numbers can be verified and automatic web based link to transit log records will verify crew names and sailing areas. It will, therefore, be important to keep the transit logs accurate and in date. It seems that, in the event of warfare, the military will want to be able to call on sailing vessels in a particular area to bolster the national fleet. It should be noted that vessels already bearing arms will be given priority treatment in the event of a call up. This is an exciting |
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development and should not be seen as intrusive in any way. Once the market has been tested the next phase will be to fit the unit to all pleasure craft in all sailing waters. A control centre will be established in each geographic region to monitor the vessels on an ongoing basis and, in order to assist them, we will have to file a yearly cruising programme in advance. This programme must not be deviated from for any reason. We at the Porthole see this as a positive step away from the sort of aimless meanderings of many yotties and look forward to the regimented lifestyle that this system will instill.
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www.followtheboat.com/porthole |
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so some tart can pole dance over my beer. Dottie replies: Things are looking up for you.
Dear Dottie How can I be a ‘Star Their Eyes’ in the next Yacht Marina production? Dottie replies: There may be another ‘Stars In Their Eyes’ later in the Winter programme. Choose your act and practice every Friday at DJ Paul’s karaoke and watch this space.
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Dear Dottie |
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Dear Dottie, I love your column but I really can’t think of anything witty to send in. Can you help?
Dottie replies: Not really, no. Dear Dottie
I was sitting at the bar having a quiet drink with my spouse when I get asked, no, told to move up |
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Dear Dottie Will you publish the words to the Camel Toe song? I'd like to learn it so that I can perform the full version at the next Stars in Their Eyes night. Yours Ag A Kokus Dottie replies: Yes, I know how you feel, that song always makes me very emotional when I hear it. My dear Len (God bless his soul) always said it could have been written for me. I’ll see what I can do. |
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Dunroamin’ A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What’s the matter, dear?" she whispers, as she steps into the room, "why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16"he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to years thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do", she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my fathers car?". "Yes, I remember", said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?". “I remember that too", she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says....."I would have gotten out today”. |
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The Eye-in-the-Cockpit by Eric of ‘Blair’ |
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26 BOATS, IN ADDITION TO THE EDITORIAL STAFF, CONTRIBUTED TO THIS ISSUE OF THE PORTHOLE! |
